I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
