so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
