doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
