Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
