can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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