I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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