Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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