I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
