She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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