We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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