I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
