my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
