HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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