I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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