I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
