RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
