Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
