Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
