Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
