I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
