i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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