Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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