smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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