As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
