My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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