I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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