Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
