I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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