Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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