If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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