Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
