peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
