Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
