her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
