Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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