I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Let's get the cat blown out
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
