just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
