2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
