i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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