who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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