I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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