he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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