it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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