Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
