Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
