I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
