why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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