It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
