I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
