are you still at the devil's house?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
