sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
