I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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