why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
